Ceremonies, ritual enactments and celebrations are an important part of our lives. They mark our important, milestone events such as commitment or marriage, and help prepare us to move emotionally and psychologically from one phase of our lives into the next with more preparedness – understanding and acceptance.

A commitment ceremony is a special time when we celebrate the joining or union of two people who care deeply for one another. It is the celebration of the love between these two people and a public statement of commitment by them that they wish to share the rest of their lives, and that they will be there continuously and forever, for each other.

The ceremony reflects their philosophy of the meaning of ‘partners for life’, their values and beliefs, wishes, hopes and desires for one another and their future life together.

Is a commitment ceremony just for gay couples?

Most often it is a gay, same sex couple but occasionally a heterosexual couple who for personal reasons don’t wish to marry and wish to make a sincere public commitment to one another.

Older heterosexual couples, whether divorced or widowed may choose not to marry, opting to have a commitment ceremony to mark their desire to spend the rest of their lives together. Their reasoning in part, is often that by not marrying it will less complicate legal wills set in place years before that could involve children and property

Same sex couples however more commonly seek commitment ceremonies in jurisdictions where same sex marriages are not recognized and or allowed by law. During this ceremony the officiant or celebrant must make it clear to all present, that it is not a marriage ceremony.

How do you go about choosing a ceremony?

A commitment ceremony can be:                                                                                                                                                                                         * Very simple, sincere and intimate, involving the couple and just a handful of close family or friends in a garden or on a secluded beach perhaps.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   * Traditional – with both sides of families attending, children from a previous relationship participating with live musicians followed by a sit down banquet. *A Spiritually rich ceremony, with acknowledgement of deceased relatives and family, children, friends or traditional owners of the land. Spirituality in a commitment ceremony is achieved firstly by the correct choice of venue and by adding candles, special readings, creation of a special ceremonial space with flower petals or flags, and adding particularly emotive music.                                                                          * Culturally rich by adding marriage rituals, for example, having a Medieval handfasting or Celtic blessing and warming of the rings or Polish ritual of salt, wine, bread and a silver coin. Irish readings, Apache Indian readings or Sufi or Buddhist readings for example also lend cultural richness to ceremonies.

Ceremony content.

Your ceremony is a public statement of your lifetime commitment to one another. It gives you the opportunity to share your personal journey with your guests, acknowledge family and friends, share your promises or vows to one another and your hopes for your future together in a lifetime relationship.

Ask yourselves these questions….. How did you first meet?                                                                                                                                                                                                When did you first become aware that you loved one another?                                                                                                                           When did you decide you wanted to be with one another forever?                                                                                                                      What were the good things that helped you decide?                                                                                                                                                 What were the difficulties?                                                                                                                                                                                           What do you like/love most about each other?                                                                                                                                                          Why did you decide to have a ceremony?                                                                                                                                                                 What special reason, if any, did you have for deciding on the place for the ceremony?                                                                                       What does your family mean to you?                                                                                                                                                                         What do your friends mean to you?                                                                                                                                                                            What are your hopes for the future, for yourselves, each other and your union?

Are your family and friends integral to your being? This is an ideal time to acknowledge and thank those who have played an important part in your lives, supported you and encouraged you. Is your commitment to one another being blessed and supported by your families and/or your community of friends?

Give a lot of thought to your personal vows and ring vows. This is your one chance to say those heartfelt and sacred words from your heart to the heart of your partner. Vows can be recited or spoken for all to hear or said quietly to one another.

Your choice in readings and music are important……..they can impart your unsaid feelings and thoughts to one another, they can continue a theme. Music can create an emotive backdrop to your ceremony too.

Consider the addition of a traditional cultural ritual to embellish your gay commitment ceremony. Your own ancestry may be rich with customs you could include, if you are able, ask your parents or grandparents for information. Rituals can acknowledge and honour your family beginnings, but having said that, even if you are unsure of your cultural ancestry, you can still add rituals if you wish to. You do not have to have a family cultural connection to use it. Adding these rituals serves to make our ceremonies richer and more meaningful for all participating.

When and where?

*The date chosen to celebrate your commitment to one another is often an anniversary of a first meeting.                                                  *The venue chosen can be of special personal significance to you both as well.

The importance of celebration can never be overstated. My gay commitment ceremony thoughts and tips should give you food for thought. Remember, your words to one another do not have to be super eloquent, you just need to speak simply and sincerely from your heart to the heart of your partner.

About this author: Elizabeth Gray is an Australian celebrant. To learn more about this beautiful celebration and how you can personalize your own ceremony go to

www.gaycommitmentceremony.net

Two additional e-books that you may find helpful are:

www.weddingvows101.net

www.- ring-vows.co

Why do we do this? Apart from sharing happiness or or being supported in grief, human needs have to be fulfilled. Ceremonies and rituals add meaning and purpose to people’s lives and a a result our society benefits as a whole.

Statistics tell us that today over half of all marriages will and do end in divorce and because many divorces are acrimonious it means that thousands upon thousands of men, women and childrens lives are at risk of  being adversely affected. Even without the acrimony there are major adjustments to be made, many issues to be addressed. After a divorce, separation ceremonies offer an ideal forum for the identifying of many lingering feelings and thoughts and assist with the preparation and transition to the next phase of people’s lives.

Some divorces have been waiting to happen for years, marriages have been dysfunctional and hurting many lives. Many marriages have been physically or psychologically damaging over a long period of time where other separations and divorces have come ‘out of the blue’. No matter what the circumstances or time frames the divorce process can be damaging with some people never recovering to the point of never living a fulfilled and truly happy life again as they understand it.

With divorce there is often no closure, no healthy grieving process.The divorce document arrives in the mail and hey presto, you are divorced! You know you are ready to move on but so many people just can’t seem to do it somehow, or may carry past hurtful events around like a monkey on their back. Life after divorce is often consumed with a sense that ‘absolutely no-one else understands what you are going through’ and thoughts of  ‘and do they really care?’,  feelings of anger, depression, maybe even suicide….being tearful day after day and being consumed with feelings of vengeance towards certain other people.

A divorce ceremony is particularly helpful after having some therapy sessions or counselling for unresolved or deep seated issues. A divorce ceremony is where the good aspects of the marriage or relationship are remembered, acknowledged for what they were and the hurtful, damaging or toxic aspects of the relationship acknowledged then banished – washed away, burnt or buried where they belong. Forgiveness is given, apologies are said and here begins a new life. Separation ceremonies can play a big part in preparing the way for the next phase of life…..a better life.

For more information on divorce ceremonies seek out www.divorce-ceremony.com

On the scale of stressful events in our lives divorce is up there with the most stressful. Divorce has the ability to change lives like no other event…..for better or for worse. It is recognized that divorce has the ability to affect people physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.

So often the divorce process is long and drawn out and as a result producing debilitating negative feelings and interfering with quality of life of the couple and also children. Participating in a divorce ceremony to signify the dissolution of the bonds of marriage will help with the healing for all concerned. The divorce ceremony is intended to help resolve issues, say goodbye to the chapter of your life that brought you sorrow as well  as joy, acknowledge the good, the positive and give thanks. Acknowledge the bad, hurtful, toxic and assign it all to where it belongs – to the past, forgive the wrongs and assist with moving on and the healing process. A divorce ceremony can be the springboard from which you transition with preparedness to the next phase of your life.

A divorce ceremony can be conducted with one person; the husband or the wife; the couple together; the couple, their children and supportive circle of friends or any combination. The needs for every couple or person is different. It is important that at the outset the needs of the person/persons seeking a divorce ceremony are made very clear so that needs are addressed through the ceremony.

A divorce ceremony because of their positive outcomes could and should be considered as a celebration….a celebration of the beginning of a new life.

To learn more about a ceremon for divorce visit www.divorce-ceremony.com

Words can embrace and speak of your personal journey, your relationship, what marriage means to you, your hopes and dreams for the future, what you love most about each other, when did you first know that you loved one another – wanted to be with each other for the rest of your lives. Apart from your personalized ceremony introduction, the words found in readings, song lyrics and instrumental music titles offer many meaningful words for simple wedding ceremonies.

For example, consider the word ‘love’…..the love shared between you, the bride and groom, the beautiful opera love arias that would moisten many eyes. Simple wedding ceremonies often contains the following reading and note the word, ‘love’………..

The beautiful thing about love is, that it is an experience we share with all people throughout the world. And yet, to everyone who falls in love. It is the most unique and precious thing in the world. A really happy marriage is founded on love. There is nothing in life that love cannot change. Love is of its nature unselfish, understanding and kind. True love, too, is a commitment of heart and mind. There can be no stronger bond to ensure a happy married life.

.…….. Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love never fails. In this life we have three lasting qualities, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Reading ~ an excerpt from 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13

Words for simple wedding ceremonies can capture the moment beautifully,and they don’t have to be over the top eloquent. They are your thoughts, your words being said to one another, for example, ‘today the couple commence their journey of married life together saturated with the love of each other, their families and their closest friends…..such strong foundations on which to build their marriage!’

Beautiful and inspiring words for simple wedding ceremonies can be found in Elizabeth Gray’s wedding ceremony e-books……

www.thevowsbook.com

www.wedding-ceremonies.net

The ideal venue for a 2nd wedding ceremony would be one that allows the couple to have an intimate conversation with their children, grandchildren and close friends telling them through words and symbolically in the ceremony, of their unconditional love for one another, of their commitment to one another and of their hopes and dreams for each other and for their families.

“The ritual of marriage is not simply a social event, it is a crossing of threads in the fabric of fate.Many strands bring the couple and their families together and spin their lives into a fabric that is woven on their children”. [A reading from a Portuguese - Jewish wedding ceremony]

Meaningful readings provide opportunities for family members and friends to participate in ceremonies, this particular reading is often read by one of the children or grandchildren at second marriage ceremonies.

Because the couple have each been married before, the traditional  ‘giving the bride away’ is commonly not observed in a second wedding ceremony. Instead both the bride and groom can be ‘given away’ by all in attendance. A popular way to do this is for the celebrant to ask the guests do they give their blessing and ongoing love and support to the marriage. The collective response would be a resounding “we do” from everyone present…..an emotionally charged moment and very affirming for the couple.

There are a number of sub-ceremonies or rituals, which if included, provide an opportunity for all to participate in second wedding ceremonies, for example,a Celtic Ring Warming and Blessing or a Ribbon ceremony.

Singing, playing instruments, scattering rose petals, being a ring bearer or a bubble blower in the ceremony or one of many non participatory roles can involve family or friends as well….everything from helping with flowers, taking candid photos or being MC.

When you are planning your second wedding ceremony ensure that your celebrant or officiant will collaborate with you in preparing an intimate, inclusive and sincere way to express what you both think and feel about your relationship, what getting married means to you and what your hopes and dreams are for your married life together.

For more information about second wedding ceremonies seek out Elizabeth Gray’s – www.2ndmarriageceremonies.com

In civil wedding ceremonies an introduction can tell your guests about your journey together. Maybe it was almost unlikely that you should have fallen for one another. What was it that sealed it for you…was there a defining moment in your relationship? Have you thought about the reasons why you are marrying?

Is family important to you? If so tell them. What about your close friends? Will they all be present? Tell them how special they are…what their friendship means to you. Do your families and friends complete your circle of love? Your civil wedding ceremony is an ideal time and place to tell everyone what you feel about them.

Civil wedding ceremonies dispense with the absolute need for following tradition. They allow you more freedom to ‘do it your way’. You could ask your families and friends to give their combined blessing, their ongoing love and support to your marriage instead of having the traditional father giving his blessing to his daughters marriage.Believe me its very affirming and powerful to hear everyone say “we do”…give our blessing to this marriage.

I know its so traditional but its a very emotionally charged moment to hear the groom answer “I do” want to marry my bride and to hear the bride say “I do” want to marry my groom along with the vows that formally (and legally) ask the bride and groom do they take each other in marriage.

Wedding rings can be exchanged either in silent contemplation or with a vow heard by everyone present…..and this is followed by the celebrant declaring you husband and wife…..documents are signed and the congratulations flow!!

Civil wedding ceremonies are enhanced artistically by interspersed readings and music…..make joint decisions in this regard.

For more detailed information on planning and writing your civil wedding ceremony…….seek out Elizabeth’s e-books.

www.thevowsbook.com

www.wedding-ceremonies.net

An elopement was their initial plan a year or so ago when they became engaged but they ‘chickened out’ and decided to go the civil ceremony path, mainly to satisfy the wishes of others. They have given it a lot of thought and the end result is that they feel their marriage is about them. They will take lots of photos of the event to share with family and friends on their return when they also plan to have a celebratory party.

The overall costs of an elopement wedding most times greatly reduces expenses which is a major plus factor for many couples who elope.

From a legal standpoint, as long as the correct documentation is submitted to a celebrant, officiant or registry office in the time prescribed they can plan to elope and marry anywhere, anytime. Rules do vary from country to country and from state to state in the USA.

For documentation required in Australia see: www.elizabethgray.net/marriages/

To help you with your very special and meaningful elopement ceremony checkout Elizabeth’s e-books:

www.wedding-ceremonies.net

www.thevowsbook.com

Standing together surrounded only by trees and the sounds of the breeze in the grasses and leaves and the birds calling to one another from on high the ceremony began by stating that it is important to recognize where love comes from in our lives. The couple recognized that it was their parents who first cared for them, and loved them; that it was their parents who showed them what love, compassion, kindness and care is and without this they would not be the people that they were today. And so, special recognition was made to the parents for their nurturing..

After a ‘tying of the knot’, Handfasting Ritual, the following reading, (in keeping with the wedding theme idea of nature, trees and nurturing) was read……..

‘Tree of Life’ by Melanie James ~ “Today is not the culmination but just the beginning of a growing love; Today just plants the seed from which will grow a new tree of life yet untried, untested. Possibly a tall eucalyptus tree, able to bend with the winds and storms; Maybe a wattle, reliably bright – symbol of nation, of what’s right and true. Or maybe a new breed to us yet unknown, which finds meaning and purpose anew. Today’s wedding is just the tree’s planting. Our friendship and love provides the rich soil; Our best wishes add the right warmth and light; Your life until now has just tilled the earth, working together from here makes love grow”.

Consider weaving a theme throughout your wedding ceremony to symbolize your own journey, your unique story and by doing so totally personalize your own wedding ceremony. Use a ceremony venue, your own story, your values and beliefs, readings and music to create and enhance a ceremony theme which is relevant and really special to you.

Elizabeth has captured many beginnings in ceremonies she has conducted by utilizing themes. Take a peek at a unique collection of wedding ceremonies, many of  which have a theme:

www.thevowsbook.com

Renewing wedding vows is a very special thing to do.

It could be that one of you has had a brush with serious illness and now that you are well again you’d like to have a vows renewal; you have experienced a difficult time in your marriage and now wish to start anew; you feel you had a less than ideal marriage ceremony many years ago – maybe in a Registry Office or you were away from your family and friends when you were married – overseas perhaps. It could be that a special anniversary,  your 10th, 25th or 40th or 50th is looming and you’d like to mark the milestone with the renewal of your wedding vows.

These are just a few reasons why you might consider renewing your vows of marriage. For ideas on the renewal of wedding vows ceremony and how easy it is to write your own vows checkout the following information…….

www.renewalofvows.net

www.weddingvows101.net

Elizabeth Gray is an Australian celebrant – she conducts ceremonies for many of life’s milestones.

To help personalize your second marriage vows ceremony, answer questions such as……how did you meet; were you attracted to one another right away; what do you love most about each other; why are your family and friends important to you; why did you decide to have a wedding ceremony; what are your hopes and dreams for the future – for each other and the children. Answers to such questions give information to add to your ceremony.

Write your own second marriage vows to one another, from one heart to another. Promise things that are important to you both…..fidelity, unconditional love, friendship, loyalty, take responsibility for the quality of your relationship, shoe sales, watching football, walking the dog………whatever promises are made, they will be the blue print for your married life together.

A second marriage celebration can be special…….being able to include your children and grandchildren is a bonus and a blessing. For your marriage to be given the blessing of your gathered family and friends and for the two of you to be given the ongoing love and support of everyone present is very affirming. Children or grandchildren can read poetry or prose, play an instrument or sing. Children can  say vows as well if you wish. A Unity candle can be lit to unify the new family.

If you would like a 2nd marriage ceremony that is special but would like a little help to plan it, take a look at Elizabeth Grays 2nd marriage ceremony and vows websites…..

www.2ndmarriageceremonies.com

www.weddingvows101.net

www.ring-vows.com