My celebrant blog
7th MARCH ~ Ceremonies often reflect the season of our lives.
Autumn is upon us. The days are getting shorter, the sun is lower in the sky. The changing of the seasons often have me reflecting on the stages of our lives……so this week the Autumnal changes I had been witnessing had me thinking of the later stages of our lives.
It was whilst I was in this frame of mind I was asked would I do a renewal of vows ceremony for a couple who have been married for 36 years, so it will be in the early autumn of the life of the couple. This ceremony is one of the most rewarding ceremonies to be a part of……it gives opportunities for families to be involved. It’s a very affirming time for all concerned and in this particular ceremony 15 family members will be involved.
The planning has just begun, I will keep you posted.
Meanwhile, the commitment ceremony I did on Saturday was a huge success. The love in the air was palpable. The young women were supported by their respective families and the multitude of friends gathered to celebrate along with them was absolutely amazing.
The last paragraph of a lengthy reading was supposed to have been recited by the couple but, at the last minute the girls said when they rehearsed it they became too emotional and asked for me to read it ……they did say the last line together. Let me share it with you……..its from “The Boiga King” [as soon as I find the name of the author I will post it]
“Take my hand. Come with me. Together we’ll rise above the madness, to the heights of never, to the depths of never.
We’ll crawl ’til we can walk. Then we’ll walk ’til we can run. Then we’ll run ’til we can fly and we need never to come down!
Three free souls – YOURS, MINE and OURS.”
28th FEBRUARY 2010 ~ Gay commitment and marriage
After being asked the following question by a couple, [an entry on 22nd January also canvassed the issue] ~ “I’m getting married and will be inviting several gay friends, knowing that our local laws don’t allow gay couples to marry, how can we support them”?
So, now we have had the wedding …………A sibling of the bride was gay and brought along her ‘long time’ partner and several of their gay friends. It was the choice of the couple marrying to state publicly, that they acknowledged the situation of the ‘gays’ in terms of having no choice to marry under our local laws.
After the Authorization clause in the ceremony was stated (which in part defines marriage in Australia as being a union between a man and a woman), this is what the couple elected to state publicly…….. (names changed)
“Unfortunately the gender specificity of this law denies many couples the right to choose marriage. John and Mary believe this choice should be available to all who love each other and want to make this kind of a commitment.”
There was an audible exclamation of thanks to the couple by the gay guests and a lot of nodding of heads throughout the 100 or so guests present at the ceremony. As a celebrant I cannot discriminate or take sides, suffice to say that after the ceremony I felt comfortable that everyone present was happy and had positive things to say about the ceremony. Many family members approached me to comment positively on the ceremony – and that was nice!
I do conduct commitment ceremonies for heterosexual couples and gay couples - www.gaycommitmentceremony.net
21st FEBRUARY ~ House Dedication and Blessing
Moving into a new home, an old place, a new apartment? Ever considered having a house or home dedication and blessing? It’s a joyful celebration that can involve the whole family and your community of friends.This ceremony claims the home as your own and (if you have a spiritual side) can expunge any lingering negative feelings from the dwelling and establish an atmosphere of warmth and welcome.
Traditions from centuries past including Chinese Feng shui principles are employed in a ceremony or ritual that marks your ownership as another milestone in your life.Whether you are moving into an apartment, a new house or a holiday shack, consider having a dedication or blessing ritual, its another one of our Life Milestones that is worth celebrating…….whatsmore its great fun.
Checkout my e-book blog at: www.home-dedication.net
20th FEBRUARY ~ Our churches don’t do us many favours!
This week all began with an intimate and magical garden ceremony for a delightful younger couple from Hong Kong who eloped to Tasmania, then today, early afternoon, a much larger traditional (2nd) wedding for a couple who had both been divorced and who included their respective children in their wedding and ceremony at the Richmond Bridge.
Then later on today another intimate, small and very moving ceremony – an older (European) couple who also chose to elope and who had actually wanted to have their ceremony in the C——- Church here in Richmond but because the groom was divorced the priest said no. The priest was happy to give his blessing afterwards but, NO, you cannot marry in the church.
Tomorrow, a naming ceremony for 9 month old Scarlett – a dear little girl, much loved by her Daddy who strums his guitar and sings to her almost every day.
In between last minute preparations for these ceremonies and a multitude of other things I had an email and phone call from a woman asking if I could/would do a ceremony that, in part, entailed the appointing of two mentors to her teenage son. She went on to explain that her husband, the father of her son, has terminal cancer and they both want to have a formal appointment of mentors to their son before he dies.
The mother also explained that because the son is an IVF child the C——-Church, to which they belong, would not allow him to be christened in the church. Hence the request for a ceremony to appoint mentors. I will of course meet with them in a day or two and discuss their wishes further.
A couple who are marrying in February emailed me this week also, wanted to have their ceremony in their tiny village church not far from here and guess what – the A——-Church priest said no, only he could do that.
The reason for my mentioning much of this is, that I don’t really think the majority of our churches do their flock many favours. DO they really, honestly care? Their non accommodating actions suggest not. They havn’t moved with the times.They patently are not geared to meet the needs of the people in the current world in which we live. Church attendances are notoriously down and there is no prize for guessing why.
Celebrants are doing a booming business. We listen to peoples needs and provide services to meet those needs. Well over 60% of marriages are done by celebrants now and from time to time couples have said to me, we love the spirituality of the church but not the dogma, there is such little room for flexibility.For more information on the type of ceremonies that we, celebrants are providing explore the following websites:
www.thevowsbook.com – a compilation of marriage ceremonies
www.renewalofvows.net – renewal of vows ceremonies
www.spiritualceremonies.info – spiritually inspired ceremonies
www.2ndmarriageceremonies.com – second marriage ceremonies
www.gaycommitmentceremony.net – gay commitment/marriage ceremonies
www.namegivingceremonies.com – name giving/naming ceremonies
www.wedding-ceremonies.net – more marriage ceremonies
www.divorce-ceremony.com - divorce ceremonies
www.home-dedication.net - home dedication and blessing
9TH FEBRUARY ~ Let your ceremony venue have meaning for you, it adds another dimension to your ceremony, a sense of continuity for your relationship, in a way.
Many ceremonies I have been privileged to be a part of have been held in locations that held special meaning for the couple. Most recently on the family farm under a tree where a plaque dedicated to the bride’s well loved dad had been placed. Photos of the couple were taken next to the plaque as we acknowledged deceased members of both families. They were poignant and moving moments for all present.
Similarly, a ceremony was held near the Richmond Bridge because that was where the first kiss took place and the subsequent proposal some years later. A local mountain top and a special beach was also chosen in recent times because it was the place of proposal.
This week I am meeting with a couple 4 years down the track, along with their baby daughter. They are returning to the place where they were married, revisiting very happy and special moments in their lives.After they were married they made a decision to revisit their ceremony venue every 5 years at least, to rekindle their love, to keep their flame alive.That’s just as special as having your ceremony in the spot where you had your first kiss. Don’t you think?
1st FEBRUARY ~ A Blended Families ritual incorporated into a ceremony ~ can be a really joyful occasion!
Following hot on the heels of a recent blog, “children participating in ceremonies – why not?”……………
http://www.elizabethgray.net/children-in-ceremonies-why-not/
A second marriage ceremony on Monday this week incorporated 2 children from the groom’s previous marriage, 2 children from the bride’s previous marriage and 1 child from the bride and grooms relationship, ranging in age from 22years to 5 years. Full credit to the couple for making their relationship of 10 years duration work.
At our first meeting we discussed involving the children in the ceremony. The fact that the marriage was NOT just about the couple, that the children were a very important part of their union.
Each of them had a role on the day of the ceremony or in the ceremony itself. Flowers were procured and arranged, there was a ring bearer, a poem was written and read. The poem was amazingly well written – chronicled the journey of the relationship of the couple including, how and where they met, life with the children, house renovations to accommodate everyone, the oldest children ultimately leaving to make a home of their own.. …..quite an achievement by a 14 year old lad.
The acknowledgement of the children was listened to intently, tears were shed and there were lots of hugs and kisses. Like actually having children, until you participate in a blended families ceremony you cannot experience the joy and richness that the experience of adding this ritual to a ceremony can bring.
28th JANUARY ~ Divorced couples choosing a long term commitment instead of another marriage.
I have had two enquiries in recent months from divorced couples who have now chosen to enter into a long term commitment relationship. One couple in particular have asked for a more spiritual ceremony to mark the occasion of 10 years together and their formal, public commitment to one another.
I am excited for these couples that they have seen fit to celebrate their committed relationship, that they are wanting to articulate their feelings and innermost thoughts of and for one another and to share their vision for the future for themselves as individuals and each other as a couple. Within the framework of a traditional commitment ceremony, spiritually inspired content and ritual acknowledges the spiritual side of personal lives and of the environment and community in which you live. Spirituality can be achieved and found in music, readings, the delivering of blessings by family and friends, acknowledgement of children, family , friends and place, the addition of candles, incense, rose petals, a theme,ancient rituals and by carefully selecting the venue in which the ceremony is held.
Spirituality adds a deeper dimension to a celebration of love.
In the state of Tasmania a significant relationship between same sex couples and heterosexual couples is recognised and can be registered with the Registrar of Births Deaths and Marriages. Furthermore, an official Deed of Relationship Certificate can be applied for [a small fee applies] and presented to the couple at their commitment ceremony. Victoria and the Australian Capital Territory have other forms of recognition, with the registry as well.
For further information about Deed of Relationship or registering a Significant Relationship in Tasmania, contact:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_partnership_in_Tasmania
Want more information about spiritual or commitment ceremonies? – check out these 2 sites:
25th JANUARY ~ Lose your ex husband or partner but gain a friend, how?
Its amazing isn’t it. When you drive a yellow car you notice all the other yellow cars on the road! The law of attraction?
Just a few days ago I wrote and posted a blog [ see "Helping with the healing" new blog] relating to how a divorce ceremony could be of benefit to a divorcee – to help navigate murky waters post divorce. And presto! what should appear in a weekend magazine but a piece about divorce with similar sentiments to my own.
We don’t live in an ideal world. Couples marry and couples get divorced. It can be made to seem more ideal though by losing the marriage and salvaging the friendship of your partner.
Combining break-up therapy prior to separation with a divorce ceremony or ritual after the divorce gives opportunities to air grievances, resentments and destructive patterns that caused such pain. It also gives space and time in a safe environment to acknowledge the good, the positive and the wonderful connections made during the marriage or long term relationship.
We need not sacrifice all we have lived through because not everything was bad. We don’t have to discard those wonderful moments, those precious memories we had together along with the bad ones.
Ideally ex’s need their former partner to fulfill the parenting role in a more satisfactory and fulfilling way. How much better it would be if we were all civil, friends even. The weekend magazine article spoke of blended families meeting over Christmas in a friendly, humour filled way.
Good break up therapy combined with a divorce ceremony after the actual divorce will prepare you to do so much better in your next relationship. Lose the marriage to save the friendship along with the precious memories; you don’t lose the partner, you gain another friend. How civilized is that!
Checkout my web blog on divorce ceremonies, www.divorce-ceremony.com
22nd JANUARY “Showing Support for Marriage Equality”
I have been asked twice in recent months by couples how can they show support for their gay friends at their wedding ceremony knowing that they cannot marry in Australia. The following is an excerpt from an email from one couple (I have changed the name)……..
“John and I attended a wedding on the weekend just past and there was a part of the ceremony which struck us both as something we’d like to include in our ceremony if possible – at the very beginning of the ceremony the celebrant spoke about how, in Australia, only males and females may legally marry and that the bride and groom wished to acknowledge this as a privilege and express their wishes that same-sex marriages be legal in the near future (Obviously, it was worded a LOT more succinctly and nicely than that). As many of our friends, including John’s brother, are gay, we feel that including something like that in our ceremony would be very pertinent and respectful. Is there something “standard” or that you know of that we could include?”
I wrote back with some suggestions and also suggesting they could write something and I would be happy to read it on their behalf.
The following information was on a US celebrant blog site that I read today, like me you may find it interesting.
http://anitaweds.blogspot.com/search/label/advice%20to%20consider
Question: I am getting married soon and would like to know how to show support for gay couples who are unable to get married in Illinois. Any ideas?
I have learned that several of my fellow celebrants have had the same question come up. What some couples have chosen to do is shown their support for gay marriage by quoting from “Goodridge Vs. Department of Health” by Massachusetts Supreme Court Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall.
The following excerpt is a powerful statement about marriage that would work well as a reading for a wedding ceremony.
“Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return, it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations….Without question, civil marriage enhances the “welfare of the community.” It is a “social institution of the highest importance.” … Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family…. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”
I would strongly recommend reading the post Honoring Marriage Equality in Your Wedding Ceremony for great suggestions.
14th JANUARY
Well, its eloping time again! There must be a little alarm that goes off somewhere. Beep, beep!! Elope to Australia in February or March! I get caught up in the excitement as well. I feel excitement for the couple, a co-conspiritor! Tasmania, with all she has to offer seems to be such a popular destination. www.richmondvillage.com.au/
Even though the celebration is just the couple and maybe a friend or two, ceremonially, nothing is lost in the words that are said, the words come from the heart of one to the heart of another. Good lasting memories and often very good friendships are forged at these times between celebrant and the couple. Ah! What a wonderful job we have!
5th JANUARY
Isn’t life amazing……Only yesterday I was speaking about friends and friendship and today the following arrived in my ‘inbox’ from a dear friend in Thailand.
“I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family, for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 am and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50’s, 60’s &70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning grey and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into the deep grooves in my face.
So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore.
I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!”
JANUARY 4TH 2010
Friends ~ A welcome 10 day break spent with my best friend, (my husband) and our mutual friends here in Richmond village has made me more and more thankful for friendship. Who was it that said if you go through life with five good friends then you have lived a good life. On that basis we will be able to say that we have lived a rich life I believe.
Having lived on two continents and travelled widely we have amassed many acquaintances and a handful of genuine, loyal, welcoming, trusty, often funny, sometimes frustrating friends. You know the ones………. you havn’t seen them for ages and when you do you are as comfortable together as old slippers. 
You never want for conversation. You laugh at one another’s corny jokes.You share their excitement at the arrival of a new grandchild. You fawn over their phone photos. Hug them to bits when they arrive at the airport to collect you after a 22 hour long haul flight and you look and feel like whistlers mother!
Many of my ceremonies include an ‘Acknowledgement of Friends’ (in addition to family) and pay homage to the role that friends have played in the lives of the couple marrying. Ceremony introductions often speak of the deep friendship that existed before love and commitment. So often we as celebrants hear couples say to one another, “You are my best friend, my soul mate …….”
Ah! Friends, if you have them you won’t be seen dead without them!!
All the best for 2010!
DECEMBER 15th 2009
I’d like to share with you an email I received from a bride, married in November in Hobart……a lass from Brazil. The sun almost shone from her face when I first met her. The sort of girl you would like your son to bring home!
“Hey my dearest family and friends. This email is in English and Portuguese to give you guys my message of Christmas and New Year’s eve… I just want to say that I have nothing to complain. I wish you all the same. Just nothing to complain. What a Year… What a big year… Thank you all for making part of my BIG year… I want to share this beautiful message I read and that touched my soul because in the end, I definitely have nothing to complain! Love you all, Vivi. “
To any of my friends or strangers out there who may read my blog, have a wonderful christmas – holiday season. Come back in 2010 energized and full of love and good spirit to tackle whatever may come our way.
DECEMBER 5th 2009 – I have just returned from doing a ceremony at the Huon Bush Retreats at Ranelagh in the Huon Valley. For those of you who like bushland escapes, wildlife galore, just bush sounds…….but with a modicum of comfort, this spot is for you. Campers are also welcome. About 40 of us assembled in a little glade in the middle of the bush, the bride and groom under a ‘huppah’ style cover for the ceremony. There was a lot of love around….it was almost tangible. The vows had been fashioned by the couple, their parents were acknowledged and thanked for their guidance, nurturing and unconditional love, their friends were acknowledged for their continued support, for sticking with them and for flying and driving such long distances to be with them on their special day.
OCTOBER 2009 – If travelling to Tasmania is not on your radar screen right now, thats OK……….whatever you are wanting to celebrate I can help you with your ceremony. Even if you feel the need to have a divorce ritual to help you acknowledge and celebrate the good from your past relationship and to allow you to acknowledge and forgive the hurt from the past . Check out the ceremony web blog that fulfils your need.
http://www.renewalofvows.net – renewal of vows ceremonies
http://www.thevowsbook.com – a compilation of wedding ceremonies
http://www.spiritualceremonies.info – spiritual ceremonies
http://www.weddingvows101.net – a compilation of 101 marriage & gay commitment vows
http://www.2ndmarriageceremonies.com – ceremonies for couples who have been married before
http://www.gaycommitmentceremony.net – gay commitment/marriage ceremonies
http://www.namegivingceremonies.com – a compilation of naming/namegiving ceremonies
http://www.divorce-ceremony.com – divorce ceremonies for one or both partners
EARLY 2009 – My life as a celebrant in Tasmania is full of serendipities. I never cease to be amazed at the numbers of such lovely people I get to meet. Your ceremonies and joyful celebrations coupled with the great locations chosen take me away from my kitchen sink. I always arrive home afterwards feeling uplifted. I feel honoured and very privileged to be a part of other peoples lives at such an important time.
In the 2008-2009 year I officiated at around 75 ceremonies…..and this year is proving to be just as busy. Weddings top the list, name giving ceremonies are increasing in popularity with the occasional renewal of marriage vows. Commitment ceremonies are also increasing in popularity and this ceremony, for many reasons can be very special. Whether its just the couple and me…..or there’s a 100 of us, each ceremony is a very special and meaningful part of peoples’ lives.
Eloping and small, more intimate ceremonies are gaining in popularity! Wow! This past year or so, many forward bookings are for couples eloping and for couples choosing simple, intimate, very personal ceremonies! These couples feel that their marriage is about them….their commitment to one another.This year couples are stampeding to Tassie! Actually, couples from all over the world are choosing to do this……from Holland,quite a few couples from Hong Kong and England also Canada and the Philippines. Their intimate ceremony here in Tassie is often followed by a rash of sms’s, phone calls and phone photos, followed by a full on celebration with family and friends after they get home! [More on eloping in another post further down]
I have an extensive resources list that I send to couples who are coming to Tasmania to have their ceremony. Services like photographers, hairdressers, make up artists, florists, cake makers, order of service. My website venues page takes care of accommodation and venues, providing across the board choices from eco-adventure places, beaches, to upmarket boutique hotels and romantic places like beside the Richmond bridge.
Summer 2009 through to autumn 2010 bookings are really motoring along. Have you settled on your ceremony date/time yet? Take a look at my calendar to check my availability, then email or phone me to secure your day/time booking.
If you haven’t firmed up on your ceremony venue yet have a look at my venues page…..its packed with information and links to a multitude of great places.
Many old favourite venues were chosen by couples again this past season but a few new ones were chosen as well and some of them proved to be absolutely stunning.
If you are looking for an outdoor experience as your destination to marry, make your commitment or maybe even to renew your vows then I have found some great places for you! Corinna, an eco-wilderness resort on the west coast has it all. Isolation,amazing landscapes and experiences but with private amenities. Currawong Lakes Flyfishing Retreat and Game Reserve is another outdoor 4 star experience 1.5-2hrs from Hobart and Launceston. I am very happy to provide celebrant services at both these destinations.
Additions to my Hobart and surrounding areas venues this year is the sandstone chapel beside the graveyard at Cambridge.Seating 60 guests, it has an organ, lighting and power. Limited parking available off road. No toilet facilities as yet.
Peppermint Bay is another fantastic all weather venue. The architecture of the building, the views, not to mention the food in the restaurant and the Providore shop are all spectacular! Its only about half an hour south of the city by car.
I have also added Sullivan’s Cove Apartments – Admiral Suite in Hunter Street Hobart as another city venue. If you are seeking an upmarket venue that has every conceivable luxury plus water and city views and walk to everything, then this is the place for you!
The amazing garden at Mrs Curries House B&B at Richmond, on the lawn near the vines at Meadowbank Estate, The Henry Jones Hotel Atrium Hobart, Stonefield at Brighton, Cornelian Bay Boathouse Lawns, The Lodge at Tarraleah, a private garden at Triabunna, Freycinet Lodge on the east coast, on the lawns overlooking the Derwent River at Wrest Point, The Islington Boutique Hotel in South Hobart, Newlands at Mt Stuart and Runnymede House at Newtown, Stewarts Bay near Port Arthur, the Cleveland Union Chapel (next to St Andrews Inn) on the Heritage Highway at Cleveland, just north of Campbell Town, a paddock at Dover overlooking the Channel waterway,the beach at Piccaninny Point on the east coast between Bicheno and St Helens, the secluded eastern end of Roches Beach, Lauderdale Beach, a private garden at Eagle Hawk Neck, those stunning red rocks on the northern end of the beach at Binalong Bay, The Hideaway at Bicheno, and last but not least Dove Lake at Cradle Mountain once again.
Visit my venues page and see for yourself…it may give you inspiration.