What is a commitment ceremony - why have one and how do you go about choosing the right ceremony for you? Are you considering celebrating your commitment to someone you love, someone you want to share the rest of your life with?
Ceremonies, ritual enactments and celebrations are an important part of our lives. They mark our important, milestone events such as commitment or marriage, and help prepare us to move emotionally and psychologically from one phase of our lives into the next with more preparedness – understanding and acceptance.
A commitment ceremony is a special time when we celebrate the joining or union of two people who care deeply for one another. It is the celebration of the love between these two people and a public statement of commitment by them that they wish to share the rest of their lives, and that they will be there continuously and forever, for each other.
The ceremony reflects their philosophy of the meaning of ‘partners for life’, their values and beliefs, wishes, hopes and desires for one another and their future life together.
Is a commitment ceremony just for gay couples?
Most often it is a gay, same sex couple but occasionally a heterosexual couple who for personal reasons don’t wish to marry and wish to make a sincere public commitment to one another.
Older heterosexual couples, whether divorced or widowed may choose not to marry, opting to have a commitment ceremony to mark their desire to spend the rest of their lives together. Their reasoning in part, is often that by not marrying it will less complicate legal wills set in place years before that could involve children and property
Same sex couples however more commonly seek commitment ceremonies in jurisdictions where same sex marriages are not recognized and or allowed by law. During this ceremony the officiant or celebrant must make it clear to all present, that it is not a marriage ceremony.
How do you go about choosing a ceremony?
A commitment ceremony can be: * Very simple, sincere and intimate, involving the couple and just a handful of close family or friends in a garden or on a secluded beach perhaps. * Traditional – with both sides of families attending, children from a previous relationship participating with live musicians followed by a sit down banquet. *A Spiritually rich ceremony, with acknowledgement of deceased relatives and family, children, friends or traditional owners of the land. Spirituality in a commitment ceremony is achieved firstly by the correct choice of venue and by adding candles, special readings, creation of a special ceremonial space with flower petals or flags, and adding particularly emotive music. * Culturally rich by adding marriage rituals, for example, having a Medieval handfasting or Celtic blessing and warming of the rings or Polish ritual of salt, wine, bread and a silver coin. Irish readings, Apache Indian readings or Sufi or Buddhist readings for example also lend cultural richness to ceremonies.
Ceremony content.
Your ceremony is a public statement of your lifetime commitment to one another. It gives you the opportunity to share your personal journey with your guests, acknowledge family and friends, share your promises or vows to one another and your hopes for your future together in a lifetime relationship.
Ask yourselves these questions….. How did you first meet? When did you first become aware that you loved one another? When did you decide you wanted to be with one another forever? What were the good things that helped you decide? What were the difficulties? What do you like/love most about each other? Why did you decide to have a ceremony? What special reason, if any, did you have for deciding on the place for the ceremony? What does your family mean to you? What do your friends mean to you? What are your hopes for the future, for yourselves, each other and your union?
Are your family and friends integral to your being? This is an ideal time to acknowledge and thank those who have played an important part in your lives, supported you and encouraged you. Is your commitment to one another being blessed and supported by your families and/or your community of friends?
Give a lot of thought to your personal vows and ring vows. This is your one chance to say those heartfelt and sacred words from your heart to the heart of your partner. Vows can be recited or spoken for all to hear or said quietly to one another.
Your choice in readings and music are important……..they can impart your unsaid feelings and thoughts to one another, they can continue a theme. Music can create an emotive backdrop to your ceremony too.
Consider the addition of a traditional cultural ritual to embellish your gay commitment ceremony. Your own ancestry may be rich with customs you could include, if you are able, ask your parents or grandparents for information. Rituals can acknowledge and honour your family beginnings, but having said that, even if you are unsure of your cultural ancestry, you can still add rituals if you wish to. You do not have to have a family cultural connection to use it. Adding these rituals serves to make our ceremonies richer and more meaningful for all participating.
When and where?
*The date chosen to celebrate your commitment to one another is often an anniversary of a first meeting. *The venue chosen can be of special personal significance to you both as well.
The importance of celebration can never be overstated. My gay commitment ceremony thoughts and tips should give you food for thought. Remember, your words to one another do not have to be super eloquent, you just need to speak simply and sincerely from your heart to the heart of your partner.
About this author: Elizabeth Gray is an Australian celebrant. To learn more about this beautiful celebration and how you can personalize your own ceremony go to
Two additional e-books that you may find helpful are:
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