When an extraordinary life event comes along, and in our case its marriage or commitment, we stop what we are doing and make a special time to acknowledge this powerful almost overwhelming, profound, beautiful and thrilling ‘thing’ that is happening to us; to observe and celebrate the transition from being a couple who maybe are just co-habitating, to a couple sharing a lifetime commitment or the status of marriage.
Why do we have civil wedding ceremonies?
There are psychological, social and cultural reasons supporting the use of ritual and ceremony. Commitment or wedding vows and ceremonies assist couples to adjust to change, to relate to reality, to accept another set of responsibilities, to move from one social status to another, to express love and establish a relationship. Ceremonies are the way we have to close a psychological door and open another one.
So, with that little insight into the reasons why having a civil ceremony can be beneficial for us, we move to the choice of an officiant or celebrant. You may have to meet or talk with a few till you find the one that you feel totally comfortable with. You may have attended a ceremony in recent times and been impressed by an officiant and decided to call him or her. A referral by a trusted friend is often times helpful – certainly saves time. Calling celebrants cold is very hit and miss. Checking out personal websites can be a good start.
What type of ceremony you think you’d like to have is the next thing to think about and to that end your officiant or celebrant will take you through various options. What image do you wish to portray to your guests, what is your comfort zone? Ceremony content will be a collaboration between you and the officiant and don’t be frightened to put forward your suggestions. Many celebrants have useful questionnaires which gather information to personalize a ceremony. Its a good idea.
Your choice of venue will influence the formality of your civil ceremony to a large degree, for example, a ceremony on a beach will most likely be quite an informal event. Props help to convey a theme, flags, lighting, flowers.
You could have a very traditional ceremony with a large bridal party, family participation, live music and cultural rituals. Or to the other extreme maybe the two of you may like to elope and have an intimate exchanging of vows with a couple of witnesses and the celebrant or officiant. You may decide on a spiritually inspired ceremony or a culturally rich ceremony complete with a handfasting.
In a civil ceremony there is no right or wrong, no best or better. The beauty of a civil wedding ceremony is that you have the choice. Whatever feels right for you is what you do. You are gently guided by your officiant, shown the options but in the final analysis it is your choice.
Civil wedding ceremonies fulfill societal needs and the right for you, the individual to choose what is right for you. What you are doing is good, right and healthy for you. It’s a celebration marking the occasion that you will both emerge from into a different space, one where we would hope you are better prepared to start the next phase of your lives.
About this author: Elizabeth Gray is an Australian celebrant who conducts civil wedding ceremonies. If you are anticipating a marriage or commitment ceremony or a renewal of wedding vows sometime soon, you will find one or more of the following sites helpful:
http://www.gaycommitmentceremony.net
http://www.spiritualceremonies.info
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